[Conan and the cast in Central Perk.] Conan: You uh, you've worked with—They always say a performer should never work with pets or
children.
Jennifer: Aww, the kids.
[Cut to Carol and Susan's apartment, from next week's episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
The Director: Action.
Rachel: Okay. Now—What is my first line?
Ben: (prompting her) What did we agree?
Jennifer: Okay…
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
David: The good thing about the young kids though, they're completely unpredictable. Which is a lot of fun as an
actor to respond with. But there was one story…
Jennifer: Oh little Ben.
David: Where the story was that I was anticipating that I would be around to hear my son's first words spoken. But the scene was about that
he wasn't supposed to be able to speak and, uh for some reason when we started doing the show…
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross is taking Ben to visit Rachel who's working there.]
Ross: Hi! We're visiting!
Rachel: Yay!
Ross: It's Ben and his Da-Da. Da-Da? Can you say Da-Da? Y'know, you might as well say it because I told your…
Ben: Da…Da.
[Reset]
Ross: Can you say Da-Da? See, I'm gonna tell your
mommies you said it anyway, so you might as well try…
Ben: Da…Da.
Ross: Huh?
Ben: Da…Da.
David: Yeah, he's saying Da-Da.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt: And then sometimes during the
show y'know but you're like, the scene's going one way but you're just tempted to say something another time. Like, do you remember that one where Monica's baking cookies in our old apartment?
Jennifer: She's trying to intrigue us to hang out with her.
Matt: Yeah, she's trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and we're sitting there eating pizza and I think it
was you (Points to Lisa) that said…
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the scene described above.]
Phoebe: What do I smell?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt: I think I was supposed to say, "I don't
know," and go over and open the door. And I went…
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, same scene.]
Phoebe: What do I smell?
Joey: (Pause) Sorry. (Raises his hand in shame.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt: (everyone laughs) And then it was like four takes later before we could get through it with a straight face.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, same scene.]
Phoebe: What do I smell? (Pause.)
David: Le Blanc.
[Reset]
Phoebe: What do I smell?
Joey: I don't know, but it smells good.
(He gets up and heads for the door only to stop short and
start laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: But audiences—You have a live studio audience and they must love that. They must love it when they see you guys playing.
[Cut to Joey and
Rachel's, Ross is living with Chandler and Joey. Joey and Ross have built a fort out of boxes, Chandler enters and they stand up slowly.]
Chandler: What are you guys doing?
(Ross and Joey both reach down and pull up their pants.)
Ross:: Nothing.
Joey: Nothin'.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: So that you will intentionally do something that—they'll-they'll
intentionally screw it up?
Courtney: Yeah!
David: Yeah!
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandler's hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their
pants down around their ankles.]
Matt: (noticing the laughter) Why? What's the matter? (They both bounce back into the bathroom.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: (to Courtney) You-you've worn
a fat suit on the show. And, a lot of people love you in the fat suit. Do you like wearing the fat suit? Is it fun?
[Cut to Central Perk, Fat Monica and Rachel are on the couch.]
Courtney: I'm melting!
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Courtney: They made me dance, in the fat suit.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney is dancing in the fat suit and after shaking her groove thing sits down in exhaustion.]
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: I-I heard some of you guys talking about this earlier, but sometimes there's just a word that someone has to say that you'll get hung up on. And it'll just—the way you say
the word is funny to everybody else.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, is the one where Rachel screwed up the desert and Ross and Joey are trying to enjoy it.]
Ross: That tastes like feet!(David puts his napkin
up to his mouth and starts laughing at his own line. Matt notices him after a while and starts laughing as well.)
Matt: It tastes like (mimicking him in a high-pitched voice) feet!
David: Okay, we're good.
The Director: Action!
Ross: That tastes like feet!
(Matt starts laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Matt: Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and you'll—we'll be rehearsing during
the week and you just—whatever-whatever the joke is; it's so funny we can't get through it in rehearsal and just…
Jennifer: You just know.
Matt: You-you mentally make a flag on it and you say, "Okay show
night, I'm just—I'll never be able to get through this."
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Sick Monica is trying to entice Chandler to have sex with her.]
Monica: Are you saying that you don't want to get with this?
Chandler: You see, I don't say—(Starts laughing.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, it's the one with the fake chocolate. Monica has baked some cookies and
Phoebe is trying them.]
Phoebe: (spitting the cookie out onto a napkin) Oh, sweet Je—(Beep)—sus! Oh! Monica, these are the (laughing) cookies they serve in hell!
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the gang is watching
Joey's debut on Days.]
Chandler: (noticing the woman on the screen) Whoa! She's purty!
Joey: Oh yeah, and she's really nice too! She taught me about y'know, how to work with the cameras and smell-the-fart acting.
Monica: Joey?
Rachel: I'm sorry…
Ross: Excuse me, what?
(Matt turns back and looks at them, but instead of his next line he starts laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: When you have
to do physical business for a scene, I mean there must be; there must be a lot of funny moments when you have to physically do a task as part of a scene.
David: Yeah, Rachel, Chandler, and Ross had to try to get a
couch up a stair—a very narrow New York stairwell and that was probably…I-I think it was the hardest I've-I've laughed in my life period.
[Cut to the scene described above.]
Ross: Pivot! (They pivot) Pivot!
(They pivot) Okay, pivot! Piv-at! (He starts laughing.)
[Reset] Ross: Pivot! Piv-at! Piv-at!!
Chandler: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!! (David is laughing.)
David: Pivat!! (In a high pitched voice) Pivat!!!
Commercial Break
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: You've done over 150 episodes, but your favorite moments that 80 years from now you'll be thinking about?
Matthew: It is when we're able to crack each other up.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is cleaning the apartment for Monica and is frustrated with things not lining up.]
Chandler: Monica's gotta have the
phone in the right place and—(Frantic babbling.)
Ross: (To Chandler) All right! All right! All right! (To Joey) We are fixing it. (Matt starts laughing.) David: He's gone. He's… (Matt mimics Chandler.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
David: We enjoy watching each other. And I settle for watching each other's performance, and we like each other.
[Cut to Ross's second wedding reception, Joey has just told him
the band is ready with Rachel looking on.]
Ross: Oh the band's ready! And well—I-I—we gotta do what the band says, right? I don't care about the stinkin' band!! (Jennifer starts laughing.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Conan: Okay Friends gang, thanks for doing it.
David: Well thank you so much.
Jennifer: Thank you Conan!
Matthew: Well thank you for coming here, it's good to see you.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
Phoebe: Thank you my babies. (Waves good-bye.)
Ending Credits
[Cut to Monica's work kitchen, she's on fire again and Joey is putting her out.]
Monica: Oh what are doing?!
Joey: You're still a tiny bit on fire there!
Monica: I think you got it!
Courtney: I'm sorry, I messed up.
Matt: I'll do it again and again if you want.
[Cut to Monica and
Chandler's, the bad dessert Ross is quickly eating the mound on his plate.]
Ross: No-no! I'll-I'll… (He takes too much and some falls out of his mouth, which starts him laughing.)
David: That is too much!
(Matt grabs his plate and takes some of what's on Ross's plate.)
[We close with a bunch of scenes where they screw up and make weird noises. It finishes with.]
Matthew: Let me start that again.
End
